I went to baby shower a few weeks ago and since the hosts had the sense to skip the really awful baby shower games, they had a celebrity baby name contest. They provided the kid's names and we had to guess the famous parent. Boy were there some doozies: Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson's self-centered kiddie moniker), Prince Michael I and Prince Michael II (the late King of Pops' sons, of course), Pilot Inspektor (funnyman Jason Lee's son's non-funny name) and of course, Apple (Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter's fruity name).
I understand that celebrity moms and dads are scrutinized from the moment their progeny's arrival is announced. I understand that being famous means that celebrities get a free pass with a lot of things--food, clothes, tickets, airline upgrades--but I don't see why celebrities' children have to suffer the results of their parents' inflated ego. Certainly Jermajesty's name has been the punch-line to many a classmates' jokes. Poor Pilot probably already knows what he doesn't want to be when he grows up and Apple Martin has likely heard so many fruit salad jokes that she wants to toss her cookies. (Don't worry, sympathy for Apple can be found here.)
I'm sure many of these children are ensconced in glamorous private lifestyles and societies who cater to their big names and little desires, but don't these kids have to move out, go to college and get a job one day? If these parents ever want their kids to leave the nest, they should consider how the name Diva Thin Muffin looks on the top of a resume. Also, what kind of nickname do you give a child named Bronx Mowgli? Bronxy? Nicknames are supposed to be cute abbreviations of grown-up sounding names, not odd abbreviations of really weird names that will never sound grown up.
I don't have subscriptions to any celebrity-following magazines (unless you consider deliveries of Wired Magazine an indication I follow celebrity geeks) and I can't say I follow, nor can afford, celebrities' wardrobes or vacations. Considering I had to give my children names that would be understood, if not pronounceable, in three languages, I couldn't name my child after a celebrity baby even if I wanted to. I do feel for those little tots, but you know that celebrity baby name game we played? I won. How do you like them apples, Apple?