• Home
  • Good and Bad Thoughts
  • Good Guests
  • Bad Drawings
  • Good Food
  • About
  • Contact me
Good Mom vs Bad Mom

Growing Up as a Twin

1/25/2013

7 Comments

 
Picture
Two summers ago, my husband, son and I were walking around Greek Town in Detroit with my twin sister, Pamela. As we wandered, we started to notice people looking at us and surreptitiously giving us second glances. For a few minutes, I couldn't figure out what was going on, until someone looked at her, looked at me, and said, "Are you twins?" Ahhhh! I'd forgotten I was a twin.

I don't normally forget I'm a twin, but since we live in different cities, I forget that other people notice we're twins. As often happens, we were wearing similarly colored shirts, but since our hairstyles differed, and I was several months pregnant, I didn't think the shirts mattered. However, the waitress freaked out as she looked from one side of the table to the other and, after lunch, everyone who stopped at the same ice cream stand as us commented on our similarities. These things happened when we were kids, but I didn't think that 30 years later, people would still be commenting on our likenesses. 

People often ask what it's like to be twins and I imagine it's a little like being a small-town celebrity. Strangers used to stop us in the street and ask us a million questions; Were we twins? Who was older? Were we identical? Until we were 25, we didn't know if we were identical or not. This meant we had a lot of explaining to do or else people thought we were stupid. We looked a lot alike, but so did all four of my siblings and I. Pamela had allergies to everything starting at age 6 and I am still not allergic to anything. I'd been wearing glasses daily since I was 12, and Pamela didn't get them for another six years, and even then, she only wears them occasionally. Did that mean we were fraternal or identical? No one knew, though people always felt free to speculate. 

That speculation was the downside of being twins, as people never hesitated to point--with their fingers in our faces-- our differences and flaws. "She has more moles than she does!" "She has a bigger gap between her teeth than the other one!" "You're the older twin? But she looks older!" As if one of us was visibly aging 11 minutes faster than the other. Toss in the fact that we were the only Hispanics in town, (Are you Mexican? Is Bolivia in Africa? Do you speak Bolivian?) and the questions seemed endless.

There were other frustrations too. We went to the same small school for 12 years, but most of our classmates never learned who was who. We always answered to both names if someone was calling us from a distance, because chances were they had the wrong name. Because we had similar interests, it was a struggle to figure out what we each wanted to do for ourselves and what we were doing to keep the other twin company. We deliberately decided to go to different universities because, we craved having our own, singular identity. For example, in high school, Pamela was, "the writer" and I was "the artist."  Only after living apart were we able to pursue our passions without worrying about stepping on the other twin's toes. We've both done a lot of writing since then and Pamela has more of her own drawings hanging in her house than I do. 

Despite the ups and downs of twinhood, the great joy in my life has always been my twin. Even though we argued more than people would guess, we were always each other's greatest defenders. With Pamela, I always had my dance partner at school dances. When our parents worked late, and our siblings living on their own, Pamela and I would make up dance routines and laugh until bedtime. When I was at my lowest, Pamela was there. When we both struggled with the news of our infertility, Pamela was the rock that kept us sane. At mile 23 at each of my marathons, Pamela was cheering louder than everyone combined. Even now, every time I write a blog post, Pamela has been my editor. She is my best friend, not just because we're twins, but because she is a good, generous, thoughtful person that I want in my life.

Now that Pamela has become a mother, the joy in her heart is joy in mine. She has awed me with her ability to manage two tiny girls without complaining once about her lack of sleep and sudden change in lifestyle. I enjoy our early morning chats on weekends about diapers and onesies. I cling to the phone as I hear her talk to her girls and I agree emphatically as she tells me, in her sweet motherly way, how cute and wonderful the girls are. Sharing this experience has been absolutely incredible and somehow, brought us even closer together. 

In 2000, we found a website that did genetic testing for twins. After we each sent in our swabs--mine from New York City, hers from Michigan--we decided we didn't care if the results said we were identical or fraternal. Then we both laughed and said, "Actually, I hope we're identical!" It turns out that, despite our different college choices, different careers and different routes to motherhood, we are identical. We are of the same blood, same tissue, same heart. But then again, we already knew that, didn't we?

7 Comments
Nitya
1/25/2013 02:33:30 am

Awww that is so sweet P!
Is it silly if I tell you I have always wanted a twin? Sigh leave alone a twin, I dont even have a sibling.

The bond you share with her sounds amazing :) Touchwood.

Reply
GoodMomvsBadMom
1/25/2013 10:25:42 am

Nitya, we believe in having honorary twins, so you should be ours. Pamela and I do have a special bond and I don't know what I'd do without my twin, though I do know my blog grammar would be worse without her edits.

Reply
Kate
1/25/2013 04:53:39 am

I love every word! Love to you and sweet Pam!

Reply
GoodMomvsBadMom
1/25/2013 10:27:07 am

Kate, you are too kind. You also get bonus points for always knowing which twin was which.

Reply
Nick
1/25/2013 11:04:28 pm

What a great article!

Reply
Kris
1/26/2013 07:48:34 am

Wonderful reading! Love you both.

Reply
Carolina
2/1/2013 10:48:49 am

Me encanta, que articulo tan hermoso. Being a mother of non identical twins I can see their bond, the way they both look for each other to play, for support! Twins have a magical thing!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Patricia is a part-time working mom with a 9-year-old son (Monkey) and 7-year-old daughter (Munchkin). She thinks passing judgment on other parents comes easy, so why not (politely) pass judgement on GMvBM?

    Subscribe to our mailing list

    * indicates required

    RSS Feed

    Archives

    June 2016
    February 2016
    August 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012

    Categories

    All
    Abby Wambach
    Academy Awards
    Age-appropriateness
    Aging
    Aintnomomjeans.com
    American Idols
    Apps For Car Trips
    Ashlee Simpson
    AskMoxie.com
    Babble.com
    Baby Names
    Baby Weight
    Boston Explosions
    Boston Marathon 2013
    Boys Tougher Than Girls?
    Brave
    Brooke Raboutou
    Cameron Russell
    Carolyn Hax
    Celebrity Baby Names
    Celebrity Parents
    #ChasingAbby
    #ChasingMia
    Cheerios
    Christmas Sweater
    City Life
    Coco Foods
    Controlling Kids Food
    Copycat Children
    Creating Holiday Cards
    Daddydoinwork
    Dear Mom On The Iphone
    Dear Mom On Your Iphone
    Derek Thompson
    Eating Healthy
    End Of School
    Expectant Moms
    Extended Family
    Fitness For Moms
    Flying With Kids
    Flylady
    Food
    Foster Care
    Foster Mother
    Foster Parenting
    Four Little Fergusons
    Full-time Nanny
    Gabby Douglas
    Gender
    Gender Stereotypes
    Gerber
    Girls And Appearance
    Girl's Hair
    Glennon Melton
    Gloria Estefan
    Gogurt
    Goldfish Cracker
    Goodie Bags
    Grammys
    Gwyneth Paltrow
    Hip Homeschool Moms
    Holiday Cards
    Huffington Post
    Ice Cream
    Ikea
    Incredible India
    Jessica Alba
    Jessica Simpson
    Jet Lag
    Jimmy Smits
    John Tierney
    Judd Apatow
    Junk Food
    Lego
    Lessons Learned
    Lisa Bloom
    Love
    Marriage
    Mia Hamm
    Michael Jackson
    Mimicking Parents
    Mister Softee
    Momastery
    Moving As A Family
    Moving To The Suburbs
    Mud Run
    My Baby Barfs On Burberry And Chomps On Coach.
    Never Quitting
    New Mom Advice
    New Mother
    New Parents
    Older Women (ha!)
    Olympics
    Pack'n'play
    Pamela Druckerman
    Parenting Lessons
    Pete Wentz
    Plane Bassinets
    Play-dates
    Playground Etiquette
    Playground Politics
    Potty Training
    Pre-school
    Princesa
    Princess
    Procrastination
    Proud Sponsor Of Moms
    Raising Twins
    Red Bull Arena
    Red Carpet
    Rita Jeptoo
    Road Trip With Family
    Running
    SAHM
    Sara Bareilles
    Say What You Wanna Say
    ScaryMommy.com
    Slate.com
    Sleep Training
    Spider-Man
    Sports
    Sports & Parenting
    Strangers
    Suburban Family Living
    Summer Activities
    Summers With Kids
    Swearing In Front Of Kids
    Talkative Toddlers
    Teaching Preschoolers
    Television For Kids
    Terrible Twos
    The Atlantic
    The Oscars
    They Call Me Mama
    Third World Country Travel With Kids
    Time.com
    Toddler Eating
    Tomboy
    Tomboys
    Tonya Ferguson
    Toobigforstrollers.com
    Traveling With Children
    Travel With Kids To India
    Triathlons
    TV
    Twins
    Two-year Old
    US Women's Soccer
    Walking
    Wall Street Journal
    Webmd
    Weddings
    Why Be A Princess When You Can Be A President
    Women Turning 40
    Working Mother
    Work Life Balance
    #WorldCup2014
    World Cup Soccer
    Www.Ted.com
    Yolanda Caballero
    Zipcar

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.