Some days, I'm happily laughing and having fun with the kids, and boom! something happens and I snap at them. Last week, there were a lot of those days and a high percentage of the "somethings" that happened were initiated by my devious little Munchkin. I can't begin to tally how many times I found myself hoping, wishing and praying that the terrible twos end sooner than the calendar predicts. In order to help my tiny tower of terror keep her behavior in check, I've listed a few things she could do to keep mama a little happier.
1) Don't snatch the one toy your brother is using, when you have approximately 162 other toys in the living room to choose from. Do you want attention? Yes? Could you get it more favorably by, say, making me a cup of tea? Yes!
2) Do not climb onto the TV stand in order to "play with" small figurines brought from Bolivia. Especially when by "play with" you mean "break."
3) Keep your clothes on! Do not kick your shoes off at the playground/restaurant/stop light or run around the house without pants on when we're about to leave.
4) Do not tell your brother that his new birthday present is "mine" when we know it's his. Since he is five years old, he may seem mature to you, but instead, he's anxious to defend his turf and willing to bicker with you until my head hurts.
5) Stop rummaging through the fridge and bringing me half-opened containers of anything to my bed when you wake up at 5:55am.
6) Do not let go of my hand while crossing the street, especially if I'm pushing a stroller, herding your brother and carrying $68 worth of groceries. I do not want eggs--or heads--rolling across the crosswalk.
7) Do not throw things out the window while I am on the phone 15 feet away. Your mother will not be impressed with the speed at which you can hurl things out the narrow (and thankfully child-locked) window gap.
8) Do not climb onto the bathroom sink so that you can hijack the medicine cabinet and pour pink cough syrup all over the counter. I can assure you that your mother, who thought you were merely playing with toys in the sink, will not be happy to have to call poison control.
If Munchkin can resist from doing these eight things, there is a chance I will survive the next five months with my head still attached. If, however, you see me running down the street--cocktail in hand--chasing a toddler, you'll know that Munchkin's reign of terror continues.
2) Do not climb onto the TV stand in order to "play with" small figurines brought from Bolivia. Especially when by "play with" you mean "break."
3) Keep your clothes on! Do not kick your shoes off at the playground/restaurant/stop light or run around the house without pants on when we're about to leave.
4) Do not tell your brother that his new birthday present is "mine" when we know it's his. Since he is five years old, he may seem mature to you, but instead, he's anxious to defend his turf and willing to bicker with you until my head hurts.
5) Stop rummaging through the fridge and bringing me half-opened containers of anything to my bed when you wake up at 5:55am.
6) Do not let go of my hand while crossing the street, especially if I'm pushing a stroller, herding your brother and carrying $68 worth of groceries. I do not want eggs--or heads--rolling across the crosswalk.
7) Do not throw things out the window while I am on the phone 15 feet away. Your mother will not be impressed with the speed at which you can hurl things out the narrow (and thankfully child-locked) window gap.
8) Do not climb onto the bathroom sink so that you can hijack the medicine cabinet and pour pink cough syrup all over the counter. I can assure you that your mother, who thought you were merely playing with toys in the sink, will not be happy to have to call poison control.
If Munchkin can resist from doing these eight things, there is a chance I will survive the next five months with my head still attached. If, however, you see me running down the street--cocktail in hand--chasing a toddler, you'll know that Munchkin's reign of terror continues.
What does your child do that drives you absolutely nuts?
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