1) The Labor Marathon: You work out, you eat right, you get informed about event day, but you can’t predict how long it will take to complete the race until you’re holding the medal, er, baby in your arms.
2) Parenting Triathlon: Successfully wipe bum, add diaper cream, and replace diaper without getting peed on or kicked.
3) Diving for Cheerios: Baby throws cheerios, parent picks them up. Repeat until exhaustion, muttering, “Isn’t it nap time?” under your breath.
4) Baby-crawl Gymnastics: The baby starts crawling and you have to balance a drink, vault over table tops, flip over strewn toys and somersault across the floor to keep her safe.
5) Soccer Mom Clean-up: Try to put playthings into toy bin while defending against tackles from multiple children. If successful, yell, “Gooooooooooooooooooooal!” at the top of your lungs.
6) Wrestling for Control: Use upper arm strength and every tricky move you can muster to outsmart a toddler from grabbing the remote control for the 50th time.
7) Human Equestrian: Get onto hands and knees and carry preschooler all over the house, jumping over sharp items and dodging requests of, “Again? Again!”
8) Double Child Weightlifting: Pick up one child until the other one gets jealous. Pick up other child, while first cries about being put down. Carry both until your arms fall off.
9) Toy Tennis: Give toy to Child One until he balks about the toy Child Two has. Swap toys until Child Two balks about Child One’s toy. Swap again. Go back and forth until they both erupt into tears and you go to the store and buy two of every single toy available.
10) Laundry Relay: Remove dirty clothes from child, coat with stain remover, throw in washer and add to growing pile of clean clothes sitting in laundry basket. Judged as “Did Not Finish,” because clothes didn’t make it into the dresser.
11) Errand Archery: Aim to go to Target with two children to pick up ONE thing. Focus on bulls-eye logo while children beg for 10 items strategically placed at toddler eye level. Leave with the ONE thing and ten others you were suckered into.